001 - brothers who fuss together stay together

[kokuyoyo]

Who: Ciro and Gen Bonavita (Chikusa and Makoto)
When: May 13, middle of the night, right after this nonsense // and then May 21 after this
Where: The brothers' apartments on school grounds
What: Exchanging one text and then another, the brothers find comfort with each other.
Warnings: Minor self harm, mental issues

Ciro knows that he doesn't look exactly his best as he waits out the elevator's descent onto the ground floor. Pajama bottoms are bad enough, but he's been wearing his "schrodinger's cat is alive/dead" shirt as nightwear for a straight week without tossing it into his laundry basket. But it's the middle of the night- he doubts he's going to run across anyone who will be able to judge him. Possibly because they might be drunk; he's heard about some of the older students having parties in their apartments with some of the usual nightly haunts now barred to them for obvious reasons.

Right now, however, all he cares about is getting down to his brother's apartment. The halls are quiet when he steps out of the elevator, but he still makes his steps quick and strides long as he goes down it.

Honestly... He almost welcomes it, although he feels a little guilty about it. That hallucination... It felt too real. Even now, although he knows he's walking on carpet through a brightly lit building, all he can think about is the feel of cold grass pressing into too-thin pants and his body burning against the night's chill. More than his surroundings, however, he still remembers so clearly that other boy his age who he had locked eyes with. One blue, the other red with a strange pupil, and the way his heart had twisted....

His feelings for that boy had been stronger than anything Ciro thinks he's ever felt before... And that alone, he doesn't know how to feel about. Either way, he'll really have to talk to Counselor Katsuki... He'd thought his medication was working fine, but if he's hallucinating, well... He guesses they're back to square one.

Shoving away both thoughts- that of the boy, and what he'll have to talk about with his counselor- Ciro stops in front of the oh-so familiar door number that he's known for a good few years now. It's unnecessary, but he knocks anyway before pulling out the spare key his brother gave to him when he first came to dorm at the school.

"Gen?" he asks as he opens the door open slightly, bulging messenger bag bumping against his hip and then the door as he peers in. "I'm here."

Comments

[transient_specter]

Gen's fortunate, he knows that. He has a family who cares, a decent job, and good grades. But right now, he's having a problem thinking of himself as fortunate. He hadn't been lying to Ciro - his head and his chest both hurt, but it's more than that.

He's heard about phantom pain - feeling pain in something that isn't there. Is this something like that? Because that hallucination...

'I'll... keep your hopes alive...' Not enough vision left to really see anything other than a smudged face, and then the feeling of floating and his entire body shattering -

It hurts. Everything hurts. Is he sick? He's not sure. He looks up from his bed - he hadn't bothered to even worry about letting Ciro in. He'd gotten a glass of water, but by the time he'd managed to get over to his bed... well, the plastic cup on the floor is enough evidence of what had happened. "Ci -" His voice is rough. He clears his throat and tries again. "Hey, Ciro."

[kokuyoyo]

The text had made him worried enough. Coming in and seeing Gen as he is, that cup on the floor, has him hurrying in from a burst of anxiety. He barely remembers to shut the door behind him so that no one else can intrude on this.

"Are you okay? You said you have a headache, but I didn't think it would be this bad."

[transient_specter]

"I didn't think it would be, either, but I tried to get up and -"

Everything's disorienting, and when he tries to think back on what he saw, the details start to slip. "I don't know, I think I hallucinated something. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the cafeteria food, but..." He struggles to sit up, leaning on the pillow behind him for support. "It's fading, but I don't... know." He's babbling, and he's not sure why. He's usually well put together, so why... ?

Nothing makes sense right now.

[kokuyoyo]

"Just relax, Gen!" Shrugging off his bag to the floor, he goes to hover over his brother. Never before has he seen Gen in this kind of state... It's hard to hide how worried he is. Carefully, he presses his hands down onto his brother's shoulders to get him down back onto his bed.

"Just take a moment to rest.... You can tell me what happened in a little bit. I'll pick up the cup and get you some water, okay? And I can make something for you to help you get better." And if he doesn't get better by tomorrow... Well, he can figure it out.

[transient_specter]

He flinches slightly at the touch, but settles back down again. Right... just focus. Focus on his brother's touch and the fact that he's fine, he's not breaking or anything. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. "... Thank you."

He's fine. This is just... something strange brought on by stress or something. It'll pass, right? It should. "I don't want to give you even more trouble... but I know you'll insist anyway."

[kokuyoyo]

For the first time since he entered the room, a faint dry smile crosses his face. Still tinged with more than a little worry, but at least he's smiling. "You always insist with me... What goes around comes around, right?"

With Gen finally laying down, he takes a step back. "Try and think about what it is that was stressing you out... I'll be alright with listening when I come back with your water." Speaking of which, he leans down to scoop it up.

[transient_specter]

"That's true." He tugs his blanket up and tries to settle down, but thinking of what he saw just makes him flinch. It can't have been real... he'd never been hurt that badly. Sure, he'd broken a few bones during training, but even that paled to what he'd felt, just for an instant...

[kokuyoyo]

At least Gen doesn't have to wait for long. Soon enough, Chikusa is coming back with a new cup and filled with water. Sitting down carefully on the bed, he offers it. "Here... It should help at least a little bit."

Hallucinations aren't anything he's ever really had to think indepth on... He's always had some problems himself, but hallucinations weren't a natural problem. Still, if this is anything like a panic attack... "I think I could probably make something for you, if you wanted. Some kinds of food help with panic attacks, and things like that." He has the internet and common sense, he can manage simple recipes.

[transient_specter]

He attempts to sit up a little bit, just so he can get the water down. He takes a sip, and then uses two hands to place it on the dresser. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "It wasn't a panic attack. It was... just a hallucination. But it hurt. Hallucinations are just visual things, right?" Maybe he'll look them up... or maybe not, he's not sure he wants to get himself even more worried over something stupid.

[kokuyoyo]

"I.... don't think it's just that." The uncertainty in his voice gives him away, however. Psychology isn't exactly his forte. Right as he thinks that, he remembers something, and he glances up at Gen from over the rims of his glasses. "...Do you think it would help to see Counselor Katsuki? Just in case. If anyone would know, it would be him."

This is something for the professionals, not a fifteen year old, for however smart he might be. His fingers twitch, but he refrains from pulling out his phone immediately. "I could leave a message for him, if you'd want." Honestly, he had already planned to call the counselor anyway... this is just all the more incentive to.

[transient_specter]

He grumbles a little bit, shaking his head. "You know I don't like seeing the counselor..." He'd been dragged in for several things over his school career - breaking up fights, starting fights, general moodiness... but never anything like this. He just needs his family - he doesn't need to talk about personal problems with anyone else, not even his friends. "But I can't stop you from calling him."

Gen frowns and reaches out, squeezing Ciro's leg gently. "Maybe in the morning if I don't feel better." He can tough it out. Probably.

[kokuyoyo]

As someone who has had minor breakdowns (and done his damnedest to hide the full extent of from his family) before the counselor helped him out, Ciro can't help but sigh. No one ever wants to see a counselor, but... if he's hallucinating and the cause can't be blamed on leaking gas, medication, or whatever... Why delay?

The hand on his leg makes him start a little, and Ciro glances down at it before his shoulders slump. Quietly, he nods. "Alright." He smiles weakly up to Gen. "In the morning if you don't feel better. And the best way to make sure of that is to make sure you eat well. If you're not hungry now, I can make something in the morning."

No one should have taught this boy to cook. Now he's a fussy menace (who only learned from the best).

[transient_specter]

He shakes his head a little. "Not that I don't like your cooking, but I already had dinner. And I have to get up and go teach some of the lower classes tomorrow morning..." He can't just call out. ... Well, he probably could, but he knows some of the kids won't do as well with a replacement teacher. Gen goes quiet for a few long moments, before shaking his head.

"I saw... someone. I don't know who they were - it was hard to see. I told them I'd keep their hopes alive. But then I felt pain everywhere, like my entire body was shattering... and then it was gone. I... I don't know what it was."

[transient_specter]

This time, it's Gen who heads to his brother's room. He's got a small bag with a set of sleep clothes in it. He's got the key - he almost never uses it, since he respects Ciro's space - so he heads in, closing the door behind him as quietly as possible. His head still has some lingering pain, but it's fine. As long as he can help Ciro...

"... I'm here."

[kokuyoyo]

Ciro's roommate is quiet- or maybe they don't have a choice, with time as strange as it is? Either way, there's nothing coming from that other room down the hall opposite of Ciro's.

There's no sound coming from Ciro, either. He's simply sitting on the couch in their little shared space, staring dully at the dark television screen across from him. He's in mostly the same outfit as last time, mostly by pure coincidence: same pajama pants, same t-shirt, the only difference being that they were cleaned just the other day in preparation for the Flower Blossom Festival.

The short sleeves make it clear to see that he's digging the nails of one hand into his other arm, as hard as he can.

Belatedly, as if his brother's voice reached him late, he turns to look at him, and something in his gaze is a little... off, distant, and he blinks as if clearing his vision. "...Gen?" Besides him on the couch cushion, his phone screen is still bright, and updating with constant messages.

[transient_specter]

Gen drops his bag and heads over to Ciro, going to take his wrists firmly. "Ciro." His voice is low, urgent. He doesn't want his brother to hurt himself. He can't - he can't risk it. He doesn't want to imagine him being hurt - the very idea makes his stomach churn.

He looks deeply into his brother's face, studying him, his own mouth a thin line. The phone is noted, but ignored for the moment. "Dig into my arm if you have to." He's had enough students hit his arms to not be bothered by pain. "Just don't - don't hurt yourself."

[kokuyoyo]

There's no fight against him; it's a simple thing to pulls his hand away. The crescent marks his nails have left in his own skin are bright red, perhaps even gone through. Ciro doesn't seem concerned, however. It's almost dreamlike, the way he has to focus on Gen.

"It doesn't hurt," he says slowly. "It- It doesn't feel like anything, Gen. I'm..."

[transient_specter]

He grits his teeth, and then tugs on Ciro some more. "We need to clean them up." He can't. He can't lose Ciro. Even if he's physically here, he can't lose his brother to whatever's going on. "If it doesn't hurt now, it probably will later. You can't - you shouldn't -" Every stumble makes him feel awful. He's no good at phrasing. "... Please don't hurt yourself."

Gen lets go of his brother's wrists suddenly to draw him into a tight hug. His heart is beating too fast, but it's fine. He needs to protect his brother. He needs to be the -

'Big brother?'

- That's what the girl in that... whatever it was... had called him. And while he doesn't know who she is, that is what he is.

[kokuyoyo]

Maybe it's because the rest of the world is so strange, so still as if paused on someone's screen, that being tugged into a hug feels like a blur. So fast, his mind has to catch up to it, and before he knows it...

Ciro curls against Gen, fingers going to dig not into skin but his brother's shirt, and he has to hide his face against his shoulder. He's not crying, not yet, but it almost feels like he should. "I don't know why it's happening," he wheezes, knees drawing up. More than anything, he wants to draw himself into a ball until everything... starts again? stops? Even he has no idea.

"It's like having a panic attack without the panic."

[transient_specter]

"... I know. I know it does, because I'm feeling the same way." He sits, nudging the phone out of the way and onto the floor. It'll be fine, and what's important is keeping a hold on his brother. "I had another weird hallucination. I don't know what's going on, either. But I just..." Holding onto his sibling. Keeping them close. True, that girl didn't look like she was going to hurt herself, but still...

He presses his cheek against the top of his brother's head, rocking him slowly. "We'll get through this. I promise."

[kokuyoyo]

Is he really? Ciro can't help but wonder. But he doesn't question it, just stays curled up against his brother like he hasn't in a good long while. Dirty cloth smudges his glasses as he stays close, blinds him a little bit more than the fogginess that he's felt has already been cast over his eyes, but he doesn't care. What use does he have for his eyes anyway? He squeezes them shut, trying to remember what it's like to feel.

"...How...? Everyone will just... think we're idiots, or insane..."

[transient_specter]

"Then screw them." It's easy enough to say, and the words come almost naturally. "I don't think you're an idiot, or insane. You're my brother. We're family. That's enough for me." His early years are a little blurry, but he remembers a little of his previous family. Of not being wanted, of being abandoned, and the fear once he was adopted...

... But it worked out. It worked out just fine, and he has a family who cares and he has Ciro and it's enough. TO know someone actually loves him, despite his resistance. "We'll figure out what's real, one step at a time. I can't do this alone, Ciro." He nudges his brother a little, a smile creeping onto his face. "I'm not all that smart. I need your help. Will you help me?"

[kokuyoyo]

Is it really that easy? The question is in the tense curve of his shoulders, and the way his fingers quake in their place. All of this can't be that easy- the app, the hallucinations, the utter strangeness of it all.

But then Gen nudges him, and he has to look up, and... He can't refuse him. Even with the conflicting thoughts churning in his head, the feeling of being so detached from his own body that he can't feel a single thing, all of that, he can't refuse him. Looking as tired as he feels, he gives a weak nod.

Of course he will. Every time.

[transient_specter]

He smiles a little, and ruffles Ciro's hair gently. "First, though, I think you need some rest. You can't think too well if you're exhausted. So let's get you into bed." It's really late, and even though Ciro is fifteen, he still probably shouldn't be up this late. "Even if you think you can't sleep... I'll stay with you until you do. Nothing will go wrong while I'm here, okay? I promise."

Nothing to Ciro, at least. He can't say as much for his own dreams, but whatever.

[kokuyoyo]

The more Gen stays close, the more it feels a little easier to... be himself again. The heat of another warm body by his, callused hands disrupting the neatness of straight hair and how it feels disrupted against his scalp, the rush of air cooling the back of his throat and how his lungs stretch slightly to accommodate it all.

He's here. Gen's here. They'll be alright.

Another nod, and something bright catches his attention. Right, right- his phone. Leaning down, he picks it up again, and tries to focus best he can on scratched up plastic against his palm. "...Everyone's still talking."