001 - brothers who fuss together stay together

[kokuyoyo]

Who: Ciro and Gen Bonavita (Chikusa and Makoto)
When: May 13, middle of the night, right after this nonsense // and then May 21 after this
Where: The brothers' apartments on school grounds
What: Exchanging one text and then another, the brothers find comfort with each other.
Warnings: Minor self harm, mental issues

Ciro knows that he doesn't look exactly his best as he waits out the elevator's descent onto the ground floor. Pajama bottoms are bad enough, but he's been wearing his "schrodinger's cat is alive/dead" shirt as nightwear for a straight week without tossing it into his laundry basket. But it's the middle of the night- he doubts he's going to run across anyone who will be able to judge him. Possibly because they might be drunk; he's heard about some of the older students having parties in their apartments with some of the usual nightly haunts now barred to them for obvious reasons.

Right now, however, all he cares about is getting down to his brother's apartment. The halls are quiet when he steps out of the elevator, but he still makes his steps quick and strides long as he goes down it.

Honestly... He almost welcomes it, although he feels a little guilty about it. That hallucination... It felt too real. Even now, although he knows he's walking on carpet through a brightly lit building, all he can think about is the feel of cold grass pressing into too-thin pants and his body burning against the night's chill. More than his surroundings, however, he still remembers so clearly that other boy his age who he had locked eyes with. One blue, the other red with a strange pupil, and the way his heart had twisted....

His feelings for that boy had been stronger than anything Ciro thinks he's ever felt before... And that alone, he doesn't know how to feel about. Either way, he'll really have to talk to Counselor Katsuki... He'd thought his medication was working fine, but if he's hallucinating, well... He guesses they're back to square one.

Shoving away both thoughts- that of the boy, and what he'll have to talk about with his counselor- Ciro stops in front of the oh-so familiar door number that he's known for a good few years now. It's unnecessary, but he knocks anyway before pulling out the spare key his brother gave to him when he first came to dorm at the school.

"Gen?" he asks as he opens the door open slightly, bulging messenger bag bumping against his hip and then the door as he peers in. "I'm here."

Comments

[transient_specter]

... He'd really rather Ciro not mess around with his phone right now, but he can't exactly stop him. "... They are." He can feel his own phone vibrating gently in his back pocket. There's no denying that they're both using the app. But why? What the hell is going on? Panic starts to claw at his chest - he doesn't want Ciro involved in whatever this is. He wants his brother safe. Still, he manages to choke a few more words out.

"... My name pops up as Makoto. That's not - that's not my name. But you'll know it's me." He's not 'Makoto Fukami'. That makes no sense. He tries to swallow, but his throat feels too tight. He winces as a headache starts building, and he tightens his grip around his brother. "Ciro... be careful." Gen struggles to keep his breathing even, but it's picking up and he's not sure why.

[kokuyoyo]

If there's one thing that seems to snap him out of it... Sure, it's the grip tightening around his arms, pressure slowly but surely piercing through the fog in his head, but it's the way Gen's breath starts to pick up. A little more clarity shows in his eyes, and Ciro reaches up, gripping one of his wrists.

"Gen? What's wrong?" He tries to get up to his feet, tries to get his brother up with him. "Do you need water, or something?"

[transient_specter]

"... It's fine." He does his best to steady himself, to focus on his brother. He keeps holding him, shaking his head. He's here for Ciro right now, not the other way around. "Never mind. I'm just... worried. With how everything is right now..." That app included.

Focusing... right. Ciro... "That's what I'm supposed to do, right? Worry? And kick the ass of anyone who'd hurt you."

[kokuyoyo]

Yeah. Yeah, that's what he's supposed to do, has always done, as his big brother. Right now, however, as he stares at his brother and the excuses he keeps giving him, Ciro can't help but wonder if all he can do is sit to the side. Maybe it's a side effect of the most recent hallucination.... But when he thinks about doing nothing, he thinks about being left behind. Abandoned.

Ciro doesn't say it, just like Gen doesn't say what he's really thinking. Instead, he just nods, slowly. "....I ran into John the other day. He said that tea helps headaches, and things like that. I'll make some, and we can go to my room."

[transient_specter]

"... That might help." He finally lets Ciro go, ruffling his hair a little gently. "I can help make it if you want." That is probably not a great idea. Gen's cooking skills are... not great. But he has to help somehow... and tea is hard to screw up.

[kokuyoyo]

A pause.

"....If you want... You could start filling up the pot with water?" It's a really nice pot, too. Stores up solar energy, then uses it to heat up whatever gets put into the pot. Ciro likes it, at any rate. "And I can find the chamomile."

[transient_specter]

It's cute. He doesn't really drink tea much, but he can appreciate the cute tea things his brother buys. He nods and heads over, picking up the pot carefully and filling it from the sink. It's not too full - he knows how gross leaving water overnight can get - but there's enough for a couple of cups.

[kokuyoyo]

Funnily enough, it wasn't tea in the beginning. Mugs were just a thing you bought when you became old enough, right? And he needed a pot for hot chocolate. And Ciro has always liked the sturdy reliability of them in comparison to regular cups, not to mention all the designs. Then when he ended up just getting tea related things by virtue of being in the Gardening Club, for whatever reason....

Well. Things happen. He would never call himself a tea person, but, despite that, he seemed to have a lot of tea even before he talked to John for this particular instance.

While Gen gets the pot ready, Ciro retrieves the mugs. Gen's is a pale gray mug, not particularly inspiring except for the little ceramic wolf attached to the bottom of it. His own is actually a relic from when he first moved out, which explains the childish whale design of it where the tail emerges to act as the handle. With those out, next is the tea itself, and after that all he can do is wait for the water. The phone is checked a couple of times, but... He's still out of it. Any messages sent probably don't make much sense, and he does't spend much time on it anyway before tucking it into his pajama pocket.

They're going to be okay. Whatever is going on, they'll be okay with each other. He tries to tell himself that, and believe it.

"Do you want to pour the water?"

[transient_specter]

"Yeah." He brings the water over, pouring it carefully into Ciro's mug, then his own. He doesn't pay the thing much mind - Ciro's always had kind of random mugs. He isn't really bothered by it much, as long as Ciro keeps his room neat. Not that he'd go running to the family if he didn't - just give Ciro a Look and sigh. That's the big brotherly thing to do, right? He's pretty sure, at least - he's mostly just been winging it and getting by on that.

Once the water is poured and the pot is set down, he puts a hand on Ciro's shoulder, trying to steady him while they wait for the tea to steep. "... It'll be okay, Ciro." Everything will be. It has to be. Even if Ciro isn't feeling well... it'll pass.

[kokuyoyo]

Winging it seems to be working well, at least, considering that he's the kind of brother Ciro can visit in the middle of the night.... and vice versa, if this visit is any indication.

Ciro seems resigned to just staring at the tea as it steeps, watching every little change, so he blinks up in distant confusion as he feels that light pressure against his shoulder. Will it? Still, he gives a small nod. Gen needs this as much as he does, after all.

"...The curfew was supposed to keep us safe. Wasn't it?"

[transient_specter]

"... It was. I don't know that this is related. But... if the curfew won't keep you safe, I will. I promise." He squeezes his brother's shoulder gently before taking his hand away. He's always been overprotective, and he knows it, but keeping Ciro safe is important. He's not sure what he would do if Ciro got hurt or killed on his watch.

[kokuyoyo]

Against everything, his brother's repeated promises make him feel better. At least if they have to be involved in this at all, it's with each other.... Right? Selfish as it is, Ciro isn't sure he's strong enough to manage it on his own. So as Gen pulls his hand away, Ciro reaches to grab it back, looking up. Focusing is hard, but he manages, somehow.

"...Stay safe too?"

[transient_specter]

"... I'll do what I can." He's mostly tempered his more directionless anger from his younger days, likely only a distant memory in Ciro's mind. Part of the reason had been fear that they'd send him back and un-adopt him, and part of it had been starting martial arts to channel his anger. Still, the urge to hurt anyone who might hurt his brother is still there, and he can't help but be angry that his brother is feeling so poorly. He squeezes Ciro's hand gently, reaching out with his other hand to smooth the hair away from his brother's eyes.

[kokuyoyo]

For now, that's all he can ask for. Closing his eyes, he tilts his head down slightly and just focuses on breathing, his brother's hand in his, and his own feet beneath him. Just like Counselor Katsuki has taught him.... Breathe, and focus on himself now. Just the feeling of someone holding onto his hand helps settle the uneasy state that's flooding his senses.

After a few minutes, he glances up from beneath what hair of his is untucked. "...I think the tea's ready."

[transient_specter]

He pulls his free hand back eventually, just watching his brother breathe and try to calm himself. Once he does look up, Gen nods. "I think so. Go sit down and I'll bring it over to you." He knows his brother is probably going to be fine, but he doesn't want him suddenly going off-balance and sending tea flying everywhere. He could get hurt.

[kokuyoyo]

"I'm not that bad...." Still, he ends up obeying anyway, arms loosely wrapped around himself as he shuffles out of the kitchen and leads the way to his room. If anything, since Gen has last visited, it's gotten even greener.

There's the usual growing vine that, once upon a time when the room was still fairly empty and it was the sole life by the window, has managed to crawl up along the wall, around the corner of the ceiling, and is brushing against the edges of the door frame now. When he was younger, tending to it used to be one of the few reasons Ciro would come back to the place on his own. Since then, it's gained cohorts: a small host of little potted cacti take up space along the window sill, tiny pots of lavender decorate the small shelf over the headboard of his bed with healthy buds, and the honorary GVGC bonsai has a proud place at his desk where small green fruits are growing on it. They're all plants which either have no pollen or little pollen at all, fortunately for Gen- which is why Ciro has chosen them in particular.

Besides the abundance of plant life (the apartment balcony is worse, sorry Gen), there's a few other things. Of particular note is the signed Daimon poster right besides the door, because Ciro needs to swoon quietly to himself every time he leaves his room, obviously, and various plastic containers that have been shoved under his bed containing various things. The shelves over his desk contain various books for pleasure- it's the much larger one besides his desk which have all his school books. Save for the plants and the desk a bit, it's all fairly neat- all Ciro has to do as he enters is nudge his shoes out of the way so that Gen doesn't trip on them before settling down on the edge of his bed.

[transient_specter]

"I just want to make sure." It only takes a minute or so for him to set aside the tea bags and bring the tea into Ciro's room. He's not surprised by the greenery - the festival is coming up, after all - and he's seen the Daimon poster enough to make it not as well be there. He crosses the room cautiously, and hands Ciro his tea, making sure he has a firm grasp on it before letting go. He sits down next to his brother, leaning against him slightly.

... It really is late, and he has to teach in the morning, but it's fine. He's taught on less sleep. "Here. ... Don't drink it too fast." His free hand goes to rub Ciro's back gently, trying to soothe him. He's still worried... but if it persists, then he'll worry more. No sense in trying to puzzle it out this early in the morning.

[kokuyoyo]

As Gen leans against him, so Ciro does right back. Not being alone right now is for the best, he's quickly realizing. Everything is coming back to him, even if the pace isn't the fastest. He's even feeling the faint ache along one arm. It's a good thing that the school uniform is long sleeved.... He can have an excuse until the marks fade.

"I know..." A soft sip, and he focuses on the heat flowing down through his body. On the pressure against his back. "....Don't forget yours and have it go cold, too."

[transient_specter]

"Yeah." He sips his own tea, taking a few deep breaths. After a little bit more sipping, he stops rubbing Ciro's back and just holds him, focusing on listening to their breathing. It's never totally quiet in the dorm - there's always someone's footsteps from far off - but it's close enough that it's peaceful. "... How are you feeling now?"

[kokuyoyo]

For a few seconds, Ciro just thinks on the answer, Carefully, he taps each finger against the mug. "...Myself, I think. For while, I didn't- it was what like I imagine an out of body experience to be like, but not quite as distant." He reaches up to swipe his hand against one eye, knuckles bumping at his glasses frame. "Does that make any sense at all?"

[transient_specter]

"... It makes sense. Don't worry. ... I had a similar feeling." He presses his leg against his brother's, just keeping the contact there. They're both here. They're both themselves. They have each other, if nothing else. "It was... disturbing, but at least it's passed. If you're still worried about it Monday morning, you could call the counselor again."

[kokuyoyo]

"Maybe.." But that reminds him, and he sips some more tea to help clear his mind before looking at Gen. "By the way, I did ask him about hallucinations.... At the start of the month." Before everything went to shit. "He said... Hallucinations can occur in any of the senses. Even touch, or temperature, or pain."

He's not sure how much good it will do them right now, but.... since they're talking about it.

[transient_specter]

"... Makes sense." He'd pushed away the weird pain he'd felt, considering how disturbing it had been. "Did he give you any reason that it might be happening?" As much as it seems like something's up if it's not just him... it might be good to rule things out.

[kokuyoyo]

"There's always medication..." Which might have explained the scene Gen just walked in on- Ciro had certainly attributed it to that. "And.... various mental illness. But I don't- " He pauses, rubbing at his mug again. "...Low blood sodium is also occasionally a cause. There's also a few other things, but those are the most common."

[transient_specter]

"Mm." He's never liked the idea of relying on medication. He knows it can be helpful for some people, but it feels more like a crutch for him. Even when he'd broken things in the process of learning martial arts, he'd resisted pain medication as much as he could.

Ciro doesn't need to even finish the aborted sentence. 'I don't think you're crazy', or something like that. "... Maybe I'll look into that. But not resting probably can't be helpful - how many hours have you slept over the past few weeks, getting ready for the Flower Festival?" He's teasing, but... he is worried.