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Entry tags:
there's no way you can save it now
Who: Taro Watanabe and Jaune Arc
When: July 30 after this conversation
Where: Jaune's house
What: Taro made himself sad. Hopefully a friend will help cheer him up.
Taro... tends to keep up his happy mask. He tends to try to keep making sure that other people are okay, rather than take care of himself. And what does it matter anyway? He's dead now, so who cares? He tries to pull back from the the thought as much as he can, but it still pesters him, like a hangnail he can't quite clip.
Not that he usually has to deal with those, since his form is an illusion, but now it's not and it's very frustrating.
He heads over towards Jaune's place, trying to slip back into Kei's mindset - similar to his, but utterly human and utterly unworried about death other than it being the time he can't do cool stuff anymore. It sort of helps, so he keeps the smile on his face as he knocks on the door.
"Hey, John?" Not like 'Jaune' sounds much different, but he's not sure who's going to answer.
When: July 30 after this conversation
Where: Jaune's house
What: Taro made himself sad. Hopefully a friend will help cheer him up.
Taro... tends to keep up his happy mask. He tends to try to keep making sure that other people are okay, rather than take care of himself. And what does it matter anyway? He's dead now, so who cares? He tries to pull back from the the thought as much as he can, but it still pesters him, like a hangnail he can't quite clip.
Not that he usually has to deal with those, since his form is an illusion, but now it's not and it's very frustrating.
He heads over towards Jaune's place, trying to slip back into Kei's mindset - similar to his, but utterly human and utterly unworried about death other than it being the time he can't do cool stuff anymore. It sort of helps, so he keeps the smile on his face as he knocks on the door.
"Hey, John?" Not like 'Jaune' sounds much different, but he's not sure who's going to answer.
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He's still been wrestling with the idea of Kei existing. the guy seems to have everything Taro's wanted, and still he's not satisfied. Would he be, if he got what he wanted? He's not sure.
"... You don't have to share with me if you don't want to, either. It's just... even as much as this stuff hurts... it's nice to be able to actually say stuff in the open. Not... not even my family, when I had one, actually knew. I was just a kid they adopted and then disappeared one day. ... I didn't want to hurt them by making them think their relationship was with someone who wasn't really who they though they were. ... Like the family I have here."
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"One time, a few nights after my team had been put together, we swapped stories about ourselves so we could try and bond a little I guess...it was Pyrrha's idea," he hesitated, he knew this wouldn't really mean anything to Taro, "Maybe we could do something like that. Just take turns talking about what we need to get off our chests."
He set his cookie down, getting up to go get a drink from the fridge, but stopped and turned back to look at Taro, "I'm...glad to hear you didn't kill anyone though. I really didn't think you had, but it's still a relief."
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"That was the name of our team. Pyrhha, me, and two others, Nora and Ren. We were attending a school that trains us to fight monsters known as Grimm and keep the kingdoms of Remnant safe -- they're a lot like the Shadows are here. It's insane to try and fight Grimm by yourself, so from the beginning they like to put huntsman and huntresses in teams so that we can learn to fight as a unit and watch each other's backs."
He took a drink from the soda, looking away from Taro because he felt strange talking about this all of a sudden. Even though he had suggested it, he was starting to realize that he actually hadn't vocalized much about his memories since they'd first started coming to him all those months ago. "I somehow got made the team leader -- despite every one else being so much better at combat than I was at the time."
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Because why would they put people - really, why would they put kids - in a school to train them for that if it wasn't a bad situation? Kids aren't police, or military, and they shouldn't have to fight if they don't really need to. So the situation must be dire enough...
Still, the latter comment gets him to smile. "... Leaders aren't always about physical skills. Even in something like that... I've seen plenty of leaders in the Underground come and go. Some of them are chosen on might, some are chosen on policy, and some are chosen on heart. So whoever picked you definitely made a good choice. A leader's got to care - and you care a lot."
He points his thumb at himself, grinning. "Hell, I helped set up my branch and I've avoided taking a leadership role for a reason. I care about people, yeah, but I don't think I could deal with caring about them for a full time job. You're a stronger guy than I am, and you're... what, a tenth of my age or something? So you're already a better guy than I am in some ways. And don't say 'oh, but you're a good person'. I know. But I also accept that I'm shitty when it comes to some things. That's part of knowing yourself. You'll understand that when you're older."
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Taro's words do make him feel a little better -- his teammates and friends had often said similar things -- but there's something about Taro saying it that makes it stick in a different way. True, he still doubted himself sometimes, but even he had to admit he'd come a long way from the kid who got himself stuck in trees and thrown around by monsters on a regular basis. He smiles, "Thanks...and while I believe you when you say you're that much older -- sometimes it's really hard to take that part seriously." He knew the humanoid form before him was more or less an illusion or...something, but that didn't make it any less of a truth to some degree.
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Kei had been similar, which makes it easier to accept that maybe that was his version here... but the kid was rebelling, not celebrating. There's a key difference there. "I'd rather laugh than cry, and I'd rather be around people than be alone. Tanuki... there's supposedly some that have lived away from humans, but I'm not sure how possible that is nowadays. I ended up... shit, like five thousand miles away from where I first appeared? More than that, probably. But I fit in with other people. I don't... I have an attachment to this body and face because I've worn it so long, but it's not 'me'. I don't spend much time in my real form, but... it's still what I really am. I can pretend to be human, but I'm not."
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As soon as he asked the question he felt like it was a bad move, like maybe that was going a step too far.
"Sorry...I was just thinking of something else. You don't have to answer that."
cw: world war ii
"One of the memories that came back before everything else did... there was a war, and the country we had moved to got involved. The family that I had run away from... they, like everyone else from that country who had moved there, were rounded up and put in... custody. Because they could be spies, or... some reason. It doesn't matter. It's complicated to explain all the reasons on all sides, and it doesn't matter."
It's stupid. It's stupid and ugly and it's one of the reasons he hates politics, even in the Underground. "But I had already run away from them. I hid. And... when I went looking for them after the war, they... had died in that camp. ... I never even got to say goodbye. So yeah. I have nightmares, of the family I was with just... dying alone, in pain. Without me to help comfort them. To help find them food or health care or... I would have outlived them anyway, but I wouldn't have abandoned them."
Taro reaches up and wipes his face, trying to keep his emotions in check. "... I know it's good to get stuff out there. But I... it's hard sometimes. And... and I want you to know you can be honest with me, too."
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"I know," he hesitates, but decides that if his friend can share this information, his own life story won't hurt, "...before all of this I lost someone dear to me. My friends were always trying to get me to talk about it, but it just didn't feel right. Now...now I feel like it would help if I did, but I don't even know if it matters any more. I think that's why I have been having nightmares about her...I'm the only one here that knows anything about where I'm from and what happened. I had to live through it all again..." As he talked, he couldn't help but think of Pyrrha--the girl he'd loved and lost. Jaune felt tears on his face again, he didn't have the experience to keep his emotions in check.
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"One of the last memories I have from my other life is going on a quest with some friends to find answers for the murder of a friend of mine...but now I may never get those answers."
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"I hope so...I really do," he takes another breath, "But...I guess we have this place to figure out first."
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